Elder abuse — recognising and reporting

What elder abuse actually looks like

Most elder abuse in NZ is committed by family — usually adult children, sometimes grandchildren or partners. It rarely looks like obvious cruelty. Far more often it's quiet, gradual, and rationalised by the people doing it.

Financial abuse (the most common type)

• An adult child suddenly involved in their parent's banking or eftpos card
• An EPA being used while the parent still has capacity (this is unlawful — EPAs only activate on incapacity unless explicitly stated)
• Large or unusual transfers from the parent's accounts
• "Loans" from parent to child that never get repaid, repeatedly
• Pressure to change a will, particularly after a hospital admission
• A child moving into the parent's home and excluding other family members
• A parent suddenly worried about money when their financial situation hasn't changed
• Bills going unpaid when the parent has the means and a third party is helping
• Power of attorney being misused for the attorney's benefit, not the donor's

Psychological / emotional abuse

• A family member belittling, threatening, or yelling at the parent — or you witnessing this only briefly and the parent appearing fearful afterward
• Isolation — visitors discouraged or turned away, calls intercepted, the parent kept from extended family
• Threats to put them in a home, take away grandchildren, or stop visiting
• Withholding information, decisions, or affection as a control tool
• Denigrating the parent in front of them or others

Physical abuse

• Unexplained bruises, particularly in clusters or in unusual places (upper arms, inner thighs)
• Injuries inconsistent with the explanation given
• Signs of restraint — wrist marks, bedsores from prolonged immobilisation
• Inappropriate use of medication to sedate a difficult-to-manage parent

Neglect

This is often the hardest to recognise — it can look like the parent simply not coping, when in fact a carer (paid or family) is failing in their duty.

• Poor hygiene, dirty clothes, unwashed bedding
• Untreated medical conditions, missed appointments, medications not given
• Weight loss, dehydration
• Pressure sores in someone with caregivers
• Pets in poor condition (often a tell — the parent's responsibility but no one is helping)
• Unsafe living conditions when the resources to fix them exist

Sexual abuse

Underreported, particularly in residential care settings. Any disclosure should be taken seriously and reported to police as well as EARS.

Why people don't report

Most elder abuse goes unreported. Reasons families and elderly people themselves give:

• Shame — particularly when the perpetrator is a son or daughter
• Fear of losing the relationship — "if I report Sarah, I'll never see her or the grandchildren"
• Fear of being put in a rest home — perceived as the alternative
• Loyalty — "I raised them, I won't betray them"
• Cognitive impairment — the parent may not be able to articulate what's happening
• Dependence on the abuser — for transport, money, or care

These are reasons to use confidential services like EARS, not reasons to do nothing. EARS can intervene without immediately escalating to police or court.

What to do if you suspect abuse

1. Call EARS first — 0800 32 OLD (0800 326 536). Confidential. They will listen and help you decide on a response.
2. Document what you've seen — dates, what was said, what you observed. Keep it private and secure.
3. Don't confront the suspected abuser alone — this can escalate the situation for the parent
4. Talk to the parent privately if it's safe — listen more than direct. They may already be ready to ask for help.
5. Involve the GP — particularly for medical neglect or sedation concerns
6. If immediate danger: call 111
7. If financial abuse via EPA: the Family Court can revoke an EPA. Community Law or a private solicitor can apply.

Abuse in residential care

Concerns about care quality or abuse in a rest home or hospital-level facility:

• The facility itself — every facility must have a complaints process. Use it first if you want a fix rather than a fight.
• HealthCERT (Te Whatu Ora) — certifies and monitors aged residential care facilities. Investigates serious complaints.
• Health and Disability Commissioner (HDC) — independent. Investigates breaches of the Code of Health and Disability Services Consumers' Rights. Free, confidential. hdc.org.nz or 0800 11 22 33.
• Police — for assault, theft, or sexual abuse